Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
