Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
