there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize