I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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