i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
