y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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