I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
