I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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