I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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