): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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