He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
