It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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