First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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