And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
