small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
