I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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