I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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