Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
