I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
