u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
