Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
