i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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