I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
