So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
