Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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