Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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