You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
