Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize