Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
