Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
