I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
