If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
