I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
