Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
