he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
