got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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