Yo dont text me then not text me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
