Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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