Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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