I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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