She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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