I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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