Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
