...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
