New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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