First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My dick has a subreddit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
