to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
