just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
