I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
