i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
