I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
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That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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