Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
