She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
