do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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