That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
