the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
