I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
