Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
