My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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