Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
