i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize