So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
