I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
