Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize